Monday, July 09, 2007

Advice Column Mashup

Brian
Dear Prudence,
One day at school I wore my light wash jeans. I went through the day like normal, but something felt weird on the back of my jeans, although I hadn't bothered to check it out. Finally, when I was getting off the bus at my stop, some people started laughing, and it got worse as I walked down the aisle. I had no idea why they were, I figured someone probably tripped or something, so I just kept walking.

Imagine my horror, then, when I got home and my mom began to laugh at me, too! I realized, way too late, that I had gotten my period and had a big red spot on the back of my jeans! I spent the whole afternoon walking around like that and had no clue. I was humiliated enough, but then later that night my friend (who was sitting next to me on the bus) called me, and he was really angry. When I got him to calm down he told me that people were laughing at him when he was getting off the bus, and when he got home he discovered he had a red spot on the back of his pants, too.

Let's just say he always checks the bus seat before he sits next to me, and I have vowed never to wear light jeans again!

Adrina, 15, West Palm Beach, FL

Dear Adrina,
These commentators are strangers? What's up with that? Prudie thinks a proper response would be nonverbal communication. Something along the lines of knitting your eyebrows together, narrowing your eyes, and making the slightest sneer, all while cocking your head to a 45 degree angle.

Prudie, huffily


Dear Prudence,
I have P.E. right after lunch and one day we were doing the presidential fitness test. My P.E. teacher just happened to pair me with my crush for the pushup section. My crush was going to be right behind me, counting. I was psyched, until I passed gas super loudly, right in his face! It was from the bean burrito I'd eaten right beforehand. It was horrible. Whenever he sees me in the hall, he holds his nose, and says "watch out, the stink bomb is coming!" Now I can't even look him in the eye.

Amanda, 15, Kentucky

Dear Amanda,
What should he call you, Stepmommy Dearest? It's good that you're trying to treat your stepson like family, because he is family. He may be a troubled, unpleasant part of your family, and it may be understandably difficult for you to have him underfoot, but it must also be painful for him to be treated with such obvious aversion. You can hardly prohibit one member of the household from addressing you with the pet name others are allowed to use. Maybe your stepson is ready to leave his rocky teenage years behind; think of how beneficial it would be for him to feel accepted by you. So, when he calls you calls you Mimsy or Bipsy or whatever it is, just cringe and bear it.

Prudie

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