Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Full House: The Script from Every Episode

Brian
When I was younger, I loved Full House as much as the next headcase kid. Yet when I watched an episode a few months ago in syndication I realized it had lost some of its magic. Why? Every single episode is the same thing over and over: each character quoting his respective catchphrase ad nauseum. I began to wonder if the writers ever actually wrote more than eleven lines of dialogue. Recently I discovered the reason: every single episode used the same script and merely rearranged the dialogue order with the help of a random number generator. Below is the template, which was originally written January 14, 1987. No other script for Full House was ever written.

FADE IN:

INT. TANNER LIVING ROOM – DAY

DJ is sitting on the sofa, reading a magazine. DANNY strides
through the front door.

DANNY
Guess what Deej?


DJ
What?


DANNY
Wake Up San Francisco is hosting a free Suzie Q
concert, and I got you and Kimmy some tickets!


DJ
ThankyouthankyouTHANKYOU!

STUDIO AUDIENCE laughs.


DANNY
Give me a hug!

DJ gives Danny a huge hug.

Studio audience fawns.

STEPHANIE and MICHELLE burst in through the kitchen door,
arguing loudly.


MICHELLE
I want some ouse-cream!

Studio audience laughs and says “awwww.”


STEPHANIE
How rude!

Studio audience laughs and applauds.

JOEY and JESSE hurry down the stairs into the living room.


JOEY
(gesturing hilariously)
Cut . . . it . . . out!

Studio audience laughs uproariously.

Danny puts his hands on his hips in disapproval.


JESSE
Have mercy!

Studio audience laughs.

KIMMY bursts through the front door and immediately takes
off her shoes.


JESSE
(continuing)
Have mercy!


MICHELLE
You got it, dude!

Studio audience laughs and makes cooing noises.


KIMMY
(eyeing Jesse)
Whoa baby!


JOEY
(gesturing hilariously)
Cut . . . it . . . out!

Studio audience dies laughing.


JOEY
(continuing, in Bullwinkle
voice, gesturing incredibly
hilariously)
Cut . . . it . . . out!

Studio audience implodes in laughter.

FADE OUT:

THE END


Indexed by tags television, eighties, nineties, Full House, Tanners, cut it out.

37 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

that was fantabulous :)

11:40 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thats crap, they wrote all the scrips-they use way more words than that!! what about all the other words and stuff they use-you are so full of crap!!! :<

12:24 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

and you forgot the phrases - "Thats so rad" (said by dj)
and, "KIMMY!!!" said by...well, everyone! and i agree with that other anonymous person its crap they wrote each script. someone filled your head with stuff that wasnt true and you believed it---so gulible.

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