Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Tin Foil Helmets Ineffective Against Government

Brian

Those crazy cats at MIT have had yet another breakthrough, this time studying the effectiveness of the standard safetywear of paranoid borderline-schizophrenics everywhere, the foil helmet:

Conclusion

The helmets amplify frequency bands that coincide with those allocated to the US government between 1.2 Ghz and 1.4 Ghz. According to the FCC, [t]hese bands are supposedly reserved for ''radio location'' (ie, GPS), and other communications with satellites (see, for example, [3]). The 2.6 Ghz band coincides with mobile phone technology. Though not affiliated by government, these bands are at the hands of multinational corporations.

It requires no stretch of the imagination to conclude that the current helmet craze is likely to have been propagated by the Government, possibly with the involvement of the FCC. We hope this report will encourage the paranoid community to develop improved helmet designs to avoid falling prey to these shortcomings.


Link. Great, now what am I supposed to do?

Milhouse: [steps up to blackboard] Ahem. OK, here's what we've got: the Rand Corporation, in conjunction with the saucer people . . .
Bart: Thank you.
Milhouse: . . . under the supervision of the reverse vampires . . .
Lisa: [sighs]
Milhouse: . . . are forcing our parents to go to bed early in a fiendish plot to eliminate the meal of dinner. [sotto voce] We're through the looking glass here, people.

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Photo credits: From On the Effectiveness of Aluminium Foil Helmets: An Empirical Study, borrowed for news-reporting and comment purposes.

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