Thursday, July 28, 2005

They Wouldn't Use the Word "Surreptitiously" So Often, for One

The Guardian held a contest inviting its readership to write in doing their best impression of famous authors other than J.K. Rowling writing a scene from Harry Potter, specifically the then-rumored death of Dumbledore. The results range from amusing to hilarious. The winner was Chaucer:
Pottyr and freynd, in't towyr trapp'd,
At mercie of thyss eevil ratte!
What woe! What payn! Unluckiness!
To looke upon poor boye's dystresse.
"Fore all thysse tyme, my plans you've foyled,
Designs divertyd, and schemes despoyled!"
So began the Dark Lorde's awfolle gloatyng,
And standarde badde guy show├ęboatynge,
"But not todaye, you little shytte!
Payn's true meanynge, thou shalt wytte!"

But I had other favorites. I liked Salinger:
"You're a goddamn moron, Malfoy," I screamed at him. I was about to hex him, but Ron held me back. He kills me, old Ron, he really does. You'd really like him.

And adored Hunter S. Thompson:
We were somewhere near the edge of Hogwarts when the magic began to take hold, all of a sudden the air was filled with hundreds and thousands of frogs, hopping all over the front of the car and a voice was screaming 'what are these creatures'.

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Blogger zoogies said...

My personal favorite was Chaucer, but I really took issue with the Poe one. I mean..."It was a dark and stormy night, when Dumbledore stepped on a mine and died." Something along those lines. Not poe.

5:18 PM  
Blogger The Good Reverend said...

Yeah, I was disappointed in that. I mean, it had so much . . . Poe-tential?

9:56 AM  

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