Evil Mastermind and Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff managed to dupe the Senate into moving him up the Presidential succession ladder Tuesday.
New list of people standing in the path between Chertoff and global domination, along with their predicted demises:
(8) Attorney General Alberto Gonzales, who will fall into a mysterious vortex
(7) Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld, who will be knocked out in a bar brawl over a difference of opinion on the topic of greatest British prime minister
(6) Secretary of the Treasury John Snow, who will be thrown in jail by overzealous cops
(5) Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice, who will develop gigantism from drinking brain tonic
(4) President Pro Tempore of the Senate Ted Stevens, who will be forced to shave his sideburns
(3) House Speaker Dennis Hastert, who will be poisoned by exposure to radioactive waste
(2) Vice President Dick Cheney, who will be sidetracked saving babies, kittens, and player pianos from burning houses, and
(1) President George W. Bush, who will be hypnotized into believing he is a chicken.
Indexed by tags politics, government, Michael Chertoff, Homeland Security, President, presidential succession, United States.